Sunday, March 13, 2011

Being Yourself.

Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being along never was. At least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'I don't know' for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.

I'm not always as confident as I seem, there are many nights and many days when all I want is to be held. I love being held. Always. Sometimes I don't want to talk about what is bothering me, sometimes I just want a hug, someone who will let me cry. I like when boys cry in front of me, when people aren't afraid to show what they're really feeling. I don't like when people run from their true feelings because it doesn't do anyone any good. I know what it feels like to be completely broken and I am all too familiar with what it means to be hurt. I know what it's like to see something funny and not laugh. I've been taken advantage of, used, and abused. My feelings have been blatantly disregarded. But I still believe that all people are good at heart and my trust in people has not diminished. To be completely honest, I hope it never does. Ever.

I’m nowhere near perfect. I eat when I’m bored . I fall for boys too easily. I’m vulnerable to their lies. I’m hoping that one day someone can get to know me without me getting into a long story. I live by quotes that explain exactly what I’m going through. I make excuses for everything in my life. I’m not perfect and I’m glad because I think that would make me extremely boring. 


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